The Candidate

This one's going to be painful, y'all.

I can't even deal with what happened on the Island yet... so let's begin with the events of AlternaLost:


Locke is in recovery from his emergency spinal surgery. Jack is there to tell Locke he's a "candidate" for a new surgery, saying, "I can fix you."

But Locke turns down the surgery, something Jack can't comprehend. And because he can't leave well enough alone, Jack decides to find out the details of how Locke ended up in the wheelchair. He tracks down Dr. Nadler, who did some oral surgery on Locke and "Anthony Cooper" a few years ago, following their accident.

Did anyone else get creepy vibes coming from Bernard?

Jack tracks down Anthony Cooper in a nursing home, where he also runs into Helen. She spills that Cooper is Locke's father, and we see he's also in a wheelchair and a vegetative state.

Jack catches up with Locke as he's being discharged from the hospital. (Oh, before that, Jack was at Locke's bedside, and as he's sleeping, Locke mumbles, "I wish you had believed me.") Locke gives Jack the details of his accident (a plane crash!)... adding that he was the pilot and his dad, his very first passenger. Something went wrong and now it's Locke's fault that his dad is the way he is. Jack says to Locke, "Whatever happened, happened" and that he needs to let his father go... just as Locke told him to about his own father. Again, Jack tries to get Locke to agree to the surgery, but Locke wheels away. Jack yells after him, "I wish you'd believe me!"... and although Locke pauses for a moment, he keeps on going.

OK, now onto the hard part... the events that happened on the Island:

Somebody hold me...

Jack wakes up in one of the outriggers, finding Sayid on the beach of Hydra Island, who tells Jack that the MIB camp was attacked (no sign of Ben or Miles)

I'm not the only one who gets nervous each time we see an outrigger, am I? I'm still waiting to see who it was Juliet (may she rest in peace) shot during the chase last season...

Anyway, Sayid tells Jack that Flocke saved him, and Jack wants to know why he was brought to Hydra. Flocke shows up and answers, "Because your friends got themselves captured" and he needs Jack's help to rescue them. Jack agrees to help, but insists he won't leave the Island. Locke tells Jack the reason he should be trusted is because while Flocke could kill Jack and his friends, he's chosen not to.

Sawyer, Kate, Jin, Sun, Lapidus, Claire, and Hurley are taken by Widmore's team to the cages. Widmore asks why the sonar fence isn't "live" yet (does this mean it wasn't when Flocke confronted Widmore on the beach???) and that it had better be soon, because "he's coming".

"He" being Flocke, of course... and come he does, taking out Widmore's men. Jack arrives to get the rest of the gang out of the cages.

*******

Here was my favorite Hurley moment of the episode:

"And we're dead."

*******

After finding Sayid in the jungle, the group meets up with Flocke at the plane. Flocke has found explosives on the plane... and since it's not safe, they'll be taking the sub off the island. Sawyer hangs back and asks Jack for help in keeping Flocke off the sub once everyone else is onboard.

As they come to the dock, Sawyer, Frank, Jin, Sun and Hurley run to the sub first. They make it safely into the sub, so Kate, Hurley, Claire and Sayid make a run for it, with Jack and Flocke bringing up the rear. But before the second group can board, Jack pushes Flocke into the water... they're fired upon by some more of Widmore's men.

I can't believe Kate got shot!

I can't believe they left Claire behind!

Flocke is pissed.

Or so it seems. But then when Claire is running after the sub, Flocke grabs her and tells her, "Trust me, you don't want to be on that sub."

On board, Jack is tending to Kate. Looking into his pack for a shirt to stop her bleeding, he finds instead a bomb. Which was placed there by Flocke, using the same explosives he had found on the plane.

Everyone starts to panic... except for Jack. He tries to convince everyone that they'll be fine... that if Flocke could have killed them, he'd have done so by now. Sawyer's not buying it... but Jack says, "James, you have to trust me."

Has Jack referred to Sawyer as "James" before? Does anyone know?

Sorry, Doc... but Sawyer doesn't trust you, and he pulls the wires. The bomb doesn't go off, but the timer starts ticking down faster. Sayid tells Jack where to find Desmond, and that "it's going to be you". He then runs off... WITH THE BOMB!

Although I'm still reeling at the loss, I'm glad he sacrificed himself to save the others... I think we were all hoping there was still some good left in Sayid.

From the explosion, Sun gets trapped. Hurley and Kate make their escape while Jack, Sawyer and Jin try to free Sun... until Sawyer gets knocked out. Jin convinces Jack to save himself and Sawyer while he stays behind with Sun...

OK, we all know what happened next...

Geez, just posting that pic has me welling up! Cuse and Lindelof, you two are cruel, cruel bastards.

Jack makes it to the beach with Sawyer (who's breathing, yay!) and here come Kate and Hurley. While watching what happened to Jin and Sun did bring me to tears, it was this that reduced me to a blubbering mess...

I know I wasn't the only one to be done in by Hurley's sob.

Jack breaking down didn't help my weeping situation, either.

The episode ends with Flocke knowing the sub has sunk, but not everyone on board died. How does he know this? He then starts to walk off, and Claire asks where he's going. His reply?

"To finish what I started."

A few more thoughts:

• If anything, this episode proved once and for all that Flocke is evil.
  

• Are we to assume Lapidus is dead? I know we didn't actually see him make it off the sub... but we didn't actually see him die, either.

• Cara's thoughts: "I'm thinking more and more that AlternaLost is the one that is real." What do you think, Sussers? Could AlternaLost be the "real" timeline?

Let's discuss!

"Recon"

No brilliant opening for this post... let's just get to sussing about this Sawyer-centric episode!

Beginning with the events on the island...

Sawyer has been taking care of the injured Jin at Crazy Claire's makeshift tent:

Jin's all, "Dude, we gots to get outta here! Before those whackadoodles come back!"... but Sawyer's like, "Chillax, Kato... it's all good." Sawyer lets Jin know that he's with Locke, "or whoever he is", only because he can them off the island (or so he says).

Flocke, Crazy Claire, Kate, Sayid, and the rest of the Others from the Temple finally appear. Everyone wants to know what happened to those who stayed at the Temple. Flocke's answer: "the black smoke killed them".

Before they head out, Kate sees Crazy Claire's creepy squirrel-baby. And she's as freaked out by the thing as I was {shudder}.

On the way, Flocke pulls Sawyer aside and drops the bomb that he is the smoke monster. And that he wants Sawyer to paddle over to Hydra Island for a little reconnaissance. Flocke believes there are some others from the Ajira flight who "mean to do us all harm".

So Sawyer goes off to Hydra, and Crazy Claire tries to kill Kate... but luckily, Flocke saves her just in time.

Did anyone else scream at the TV, "Sayid! DO something!", during this scene? Or was I the only one?

Sawyer makes it to Hydra and finds the Ajira plane. But first, he comes across Kate's dress in one of the cages:

Again, was I the only one thinking, "Really? After THREE YEARS of being outside, the dress is still in that good of shape?"


Unfortunately, the plane isn't the only thing Sawyer finds. He also finds a pile of dead bodies... and... Zoe, who says she's the only one left from the flight:

Sawyer figures out Zoe isn't who she says she is... but she's not alone, and before he knows it, he's taken to a sub and meets Charles Widmore.

Sawyer agrees to deliver Flocke to Widmore, in exchange for him and his friends getting safely off the island.

But then! Sawyer makes it back to Flocke... and proceeds to tell him the plan of turning Flocke over to Widmore!

At nightfall, Sawyer finds Kate on the beach. He also tells Kate about Widmore and his people and while everyone's "fighting it out", they'll be taking the sub away from the island.


Now for what happened in Alterna-Lost...

Sawyer's in bed with an un-named woman:

And then he does the whole, "Oops! I didn't mean to open this case full of money in front of you!" My first thought: "Ah, Sawyer. He's up to his old tricks."

But the woman pulls a gun on Sawyer, saying she can spot a conman since she's married to one:

Sawyer then begins to tell her that this is a set-up and the room has been bugged. It wasn't until Sawyer uttered the "magic word" that I believed his story! The cops bust in the room, arrest the woman and we meet Detective James Ford's partner:

Miles! I didn't see that coming, either! But I loved it.

Two more things I loved about this scene: 1), it was Sawyer's turn to be called by a nickname ("Dimples") and 2), the magic word ("La Fleur").


Detective James Ford is using his cop skills for personal use... even in Alterna-Lost, he's trying to find "Anthony Cooper":

I don't know how this is going to play out. Because we know who Anthony Cooper is. And in Alterna-Lost, he seems like a good guy!

Meanwhile, Miles has set his partner up on a blind date with a good friend of his, who also happens to work with his dad "at the museum". I thought (and hoped!) it would be Juliet, but the blind date turned out to be:

Charlotte!

Of course, Charlotte and Detective James Ford hit it off and end up in bed together:

But the good times don't last very long. Looking for a tee shirt, Charlotte happens to come across the "Sawyer" binder hidden in the dresser drawer. Detective James Ford goes all postal about what Charlotte saw and kicks her out.

And as if that wasn't bad enough...

Miles finds out his partner has lied about being in Australia and isn't too pleased about it:

Miles knows he's being lied to... but again, Detective James Ford won't tell the truth. Miles storms off, saying he's no longer Detective James Ford's partner.

And of course, as with every episode this season, we have the central character staring at their reflection:

Later, Detective James Ford makes up with Miles by finally telling him the truth. "Anthony Cooper", aka "Sawyer", is the man responsible for his parent's deaths. He's been searching for "Sawyer" since leaving the police academy and finally found a lead in Australia. Detective James Ford reveals his plans to kill "Sawyer" when he finds the man.

A car then slams into Detective James Ford's car... and he and Miles are on the pursuit. The fugitive turns out to be none other than:

Kate!

I was a little surprised at this. We know that our Losties keep interacting with one another in Sideways World... but thanks to Erica, I thought the next person to run into Kate would be Jack. Remember when Jack and his mom were searching for Christian's will... and when found, it mentioned "Claire Littleton"? Jack and his mom need to find this mystery person... and what's the easiest way to find someone? Run a credit check on them. Who has Claire's credit card? That's right... Kate. So I figured Jack and Kate's paths would cross next...

But now, the big question is: What's Detective James Ford going to do? And maybe even a bigger question is, why didn't he intervene in the airport when he noticed Kate in handcuffs???

Time to end this here recap... and for our female readers, I'll leave you with a few more gratuitous images of Shirtless Sawyer...

You're welcome.


Now... get to sussing!

Because You Simply Can't Get Too Much Sawyer...

The Variable

I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that we all had big expectations from the 100th episode. As usual, Lost did not let us down. There was action, a little comedy, lots o’ mystery, tragedy and some mighty powerful revelations.

In “The Variables,” we follow three story lines: Penny and Desmond, Daniel's life before the island and the island in 1977, all of which center around the story of Daniel Farraday. Daniel initially showed up on the island with questionable intent, but he has become a pivotal character in the Lost universe. I, for one, have long had a soft spot for Danny boy, from his tragic love for Charlotte to his all too familiar habit of writing in and referring to his journal.

One of last episode’s big cliffhangers was Scottish hottie Desmond’s fate after being shot by Benjamin “I’m going to kill your daughter but I'm a softie for kids” Linus. The show opens with Desmond being rushed into the hospital on a gurney while Penny and baby Charlie run alongside. The tears, they are aflowin’.

Later, as Penny sits in the waiting room, Eloise Hawking comes walking into the room. When this lady comes a calling, you know there’s going to be trouble. She tells Penny that it may be her son’s fault that Desmond was shot. Benjamin Linus is your son!? Penny exclaims. (I said the same thing in my head!) Oh heavens no, says Eloise, my son is Daniel Farraday. Cue the scary music.













Back on the island, circa 1977, we watch as Dharma folk emerge from the submarine. Who should poke out his head asking for a little help but our own Daniel Farraday. “Long time, no see” he says to a stunned Miles. Miles asks why he’s back and Daniel shows him the new recruit picture featuring the beloved Hurley, Kate and Jack. "Make haste! Take me to Jack!" Daniel exclaims.

Daniel bursts in on Jack, but first we are treated to a quick shot of Mr. Fox’s impeccable pecs. Mmmm. Why did you come back, Jack?! Yo mama. My mama what? Yo mama tole me to. Well, I’ve got news for you, you don’t belong here.













Now we flash forward, erm, backward to little Daniel playing a piano. Young(er) Eloise walks in and asks him if he knows what destiny means. No, I’m just a kid. Sheesh. Well, if one has a special gift, then it must be nurtured, she explains. She asks him how many beats on the metronome since he began playing. 864, he replies. (4 and 8? Hmm.) Math is your gift and it is my job to keep you on task, she tells him, and that means you’ll have to give up the piano. I can do both, I can make time, he says. If only you could.

Back on the island, Jack pays a visit to the Sawyer/Juliet abode while Miles and Farraday “run an errand” but Jack nearly gets the door shut in his face by Sawyer before Juliet steps in. I think we all know who wears the Dharma coveralls in that relationship. Sawyer explains that wormy security guy Phil has a tape of Sawyer and Kate taking Ben to the hostiles. Where’s Phil, Jack asks. Sawyer leads him to the closet where we find Phil, bound and gagged on the floor, looking a little less than pleased with his accommodations.













Meanwhile, Miles and Farraday sit in a Jeep outside the Orchid. When Dr. Chang drives up, Daniel follows him into the construction site. We hear Dr. Chang say “If you drill even one centimeter further, you risk releasing that energy. If that happened, then God help us all.”

Daniel puts on a hard hat and sneaks in to the tunnel where he sees a man being carried out on a stretcher. Would that be the fellow with the extremely unfortunate dental work? A worker says to Daniel “Did you hear that? Time travel. How stupid does that guy think we are?”

Daniel introduces himself and tries to convince Dr. Chang that he needs to evacuate the island because they are about to be rocked by an explosion with 30,000 times the power of what they’ve seen underground. When Dr. Chang is not convinced, Daniel resorts to telling him the truth: I’m from the future. Hey, it worked for Marty McFly. Sadly, Doc Chang is not as easily convinced as Doc Brown.













Daniel follows him out. To prove himself, he asks Chang to look at his equations, some of which won’t be discovered for 20 years. Miles sees what’s going down and comes over to say that Daniel had too many drugs on the sub. Daniel then drops the bomb: Miles is your son. I was secretly hoping that Miles would say it was true and we would have a tearful father-son moment, but Miles denies it. Dr. Chang hops into the robin egg VW van and puttputts off. Miles asks Daniel what he is doing and the response is typical Farraday/Hawking mysteriousness “You’ll see.”













We now visit Daniel at his graduation, where he throws about his long wavy locks and canoodles with the doomed Theresa. Eloise walks up and invites him (and only him) to lunch. Once seated at the Indian restaurant (Love me some Tandoori Chicken!), Daniel complains about the way she treated his girlfriend. She tells him he needs to be focusing on work, he doesn’t have time for relationships. The women in his life will only be terribly hurt. Is she trying to spare her son some of the pain of losing Theresa in the lab accident? As the discussion becomes more heated, he reveals that he has just received a 1.5 million pound grant from Charles Widmore. Before she leaves, she says she only came to congratulate him and gives him a gift. It’s the journal we see him looking in so often. The inscription says, “No matter what, remember that I will always love you.”

We return to Daniel’s living room. He’s clearly a shell of the man he used to be (or will become again on the island). He’s watching television news footage of the flight 815 airplane on the ocean floor. There’s a knock at the door and Charles Widmore enters the room. Daniel says he has a condition that affects his memory and he doesn’t recognize him. When Charles tells him his name, Daniel recognizes it from the research grant. As Charles sits down, he moves a Wired magazine with the subtitle “The Impossible Gets Real.” To which I say, INDEED.

Charles says he has come to offer him a new opportunity, but Daniel is distracted by the images of the plane crash. Then Charles comes clean: it’s a fake and I did it. He wants to send Daniel to the island, saying it will further his research and show him things he never dreamed of. More importantly, it will heal him. Charles says he wants to do this because Daniel is a man of tremendous gifts and it would be a shame to let them go to waste. Daniel remarks that he sounds like his mother. Charles says it is because they are old friends. Little did we know how good of friends they used to be, though.













Back in Sawyer’s cabin, Daniel is doing his best to convince Sawyer to show him where the hostiles are so he can find his mom. Jack is on board but Sawyer resists and Juliet seems to be on his side until he calls Kate Freckles. Nobody likes to hear their main squeeze call his old flame their pet name and Juliet is no exception. She turns to Kate and volunteers the code to the fence. With the code in hand, Jack, Kate and Daniel head off into the forest to find Eloise while the rest of the group plan to go back to the beach. As they are leaving, Sawyer grabs a tearful Juliet’s hand and says “Time to go.” So much in just three words. It is the end of their life together on the island and the beginning of an uncertain future that may or may not have the two of them together.

On their way, Daniel sees young Charlotte on a swing. As he approaches, she tells him she’s not allowed to have chocolate before dinner. Ah, the deliciousness of Lost, those were Charlotte’s dying words. He tells her that Dr. Chang will be coming and she and her mommy have to leave. He says “You cannot be here. You have to leave. I tried to avoid telling you this. I didn’t think I could change things, but maybe I can.”













Jack, Kate and Daniel encounter the very cranky and badly coiffed Stuart and some Dharma lackeys as they are getting guns from the Motor Pool. A firefight ensues, old west style, and Daniel is shot in the neck. Jack does the old "fuel canister explosion as diversion" so they can escape. As they drive off, Stuart yells out "Sound the alarm."

Back in his living room, Daniel stumbles in his attempt to play the piano. Eloise walks in and says she heard that he had been offered a job and that it is very important that he accept this opportunity. Now, we had some inclination that Daniel was a momma’s boy, but when he says he’ll do it only after she says it will make her proud, we know for sure.

Jack, Kate and Daniel drive up to the sound barrier and Kate disarms it as Jack treats Daniel’s neck wound. It's just a flesh wound. (Said with British accent.) Daniel says “I guess I’m lucky” Jack asks what luck had to do with it? He thought Daniel said whatever happened, happened? But Daniel squashes that, telling him that this is their present, any one of us can die. That right there is what we call foreshadowing.













As they collect water in a stream, we finally learn the reason Desmond had to punch in those numbers all those years. In four hours, the Dharma guys will drill into a massive pocket of energy and the result will be catastrophic. They will contain the energy in the Swan, otherwise known as “the hatch.” Decades later, when Desmond fails to press the button, it causes the plane to crash and thus the entire chain of events that led to them all being there now.

Here we finally get to the crux of the issue. All along Daniel thought that you can’t change the past. But he spent so much time focusing on the constants that he forgot the variable: PEOPLE. People can change their destiny. He thinks they can destroy the energy under the island by detonating a hydrogen bomb.

We return to the hospital, where Eloise is telling Penny that she’s not sure if Desmond will be okay, that it is the first time in a long time that she didn’t know what was going to happen. A nurse comes out and says that Desmond is in a recovery room and is asking for her. When she goes in, he says “I promised you, Penny, I’d never leave you again.” Now that is love, my friends.













As Eloise walks out of the hospital, Charles Widmore steps out of the shadows. Eloise tells him that Desmond is fine and he should go see his daugher. He says he can't go in because he sacrificed his relationship with her. Eloise cuts him off to say, “don’t talk about sacrifice, I had to send my son back to the island knowing full well that…” Whaaaat?? Charles says, “He’s my son, too.” She slaps him and gets into the cab. Well, hello. Now we know why Charles has been so interested in him all these years.

Daniel walks into the Other camp, guns ablazing, asking for Eloise. Richard plays it cool and says she isn’t there. Daniel asks about the bomb, but still Richard holds out. Daniel begins the time honored tradition of counting to three.

At the count of two, a shot rings out and blood shows up on Daniel’s chest.

Behind him we see Eloise with a rifle in her hands. As she rushes up, Daniel says, “You knew, you always knew, and yet you sent me here anyway.” She asks who he is. I’m your son, he says, and then he goes still.













Wow.

Best Lines of the Show

Miles: (When Jack looks to him to explain Farraday’s presence.) Don’t look at me, I just carried his luggage.

Sawyer: (To Daniel) Welcome to the meeting, twitchy.

Hurley: You guys were in 1954, like Fonzie times?

Jack: Insane? We disappeared off a plane in midair and ended up in 1977, I’m getting kind of used to insane.


Let's Get Sussing!

1. Had Eloise just returned from the island where she killed Daniel when she asks him about destiny?
   
2. Is the name of the salvage boat, the Christianne One, significant?
3. Why doesn't Daniel have either Eloise's or Charles' last name?
4. Has Eloise traveled through time? Is that how she knows everything?
   
5. Why is Daniel so troubled by the plane crash on the television?
6. Is Daniel really dead?
   

"LaFleur"

Given my enjoyment of the characters of Sawyer and Juliet, you know I was completely digging the latest installment of our show. In fact, most of the texts I sent during the hour it aired were of the, "I LOVE IT!" variety. And I did love it. Well, most of it.

Typically my "adult word" moments occur in the last few minutes of the show. But this is Lost of which we're speaking, so "typical" doesn't apply. Moments after Locke descends the well to turn the Frozen Donkey Wheel, time flashes (ok, so up to this point the time flashes are pretty typical...I'll give you that!) and our gang is once again spinning through time. Their stopping point? Oh, just yards from the statue. THE STATUE! Yep, I said a typical adult word, folks. Less than five minutes into the hour. I love this show.
Another flash and one ginormous, fall-on-the-ground, "earthquakeish" moment later, and the gang realizes it's the final flash, as evidenced by their lack of headaches and nosebleeds. Yay, John turned the wheel!

Flash-forward three years later (thanks, writers of Lost, for keeping our frame of time in check throughout the episode), and there's a "hootenanny" going down with some Dharma peeps. Those of you who know me are aware that I have a deep love of music. I cannot express to y'all the utter joy that swelled from the depths of my soul when I heard the jaunty strains of Tony Orlando and Dawn's "Candida." I mean, seriously...nothing shouts "BIG 70's!" quite like the wholesome goodness that is Tony Orlando. No wonder Mr. Security and Miss Geronimo Jackson (did you catch her shirt?!?) had to get their groove on. It was warranted.I love white people dancing...these two are not ready for Don Cornelius and Soul Train.

Mr. Party Pooper interrupts their moment and the trio discovers drunk Horace on one of the security camera screens. (Anyone catch Mr. Security's mention of "polar bears in cages?") The two men--Jerry and Phil--race to find LaFleur, also known as Sawyer, James Ford, and now James "Jim" LaFleur. Yes, our Sawyer is head of security for the Dharma Initiative, and it only took three years for him to reach that status!

Please pause for a moment while I enjoy Saywer's latest and greatest nickname pronouncement for Miles: Enos! Oh, how I love me some Dukes of Hazzard references. Oh, how I love me some southern men who casually and correctly use Dukes of Hazzard references. This was my favorite comedic moment of the night, no question.Roscoe P. Coltrane and Enos fulfill their duties as Horace's designated driver (friends don't let friends drive drunk, of course!) and return to Dharma Village only to find an exasperated, very pregnant Amy. Oh, she's not pregnant for long. But before we get into that drama let's back up a bit, shall we?

Three years earlier our Daniel is loopy, grieving the loss of recently-passed Charlotte. Dan tells Sawyer, Juliet, Jin, and Enos (OK, it's Miles--but I like Enos better!), "Wherever, whenever we are now, we're here for good." Sawyer and Miles banter a while about their plan, or lack thereof, and Juliet steps up to Team James. She "has his back." I do not blame her one bit, 'cause with that back comes his front. Yep.

*Crickets chirping. Elevator musak. Dew on the grass.*

I got sidetracked. Forgive me.

We then hear shouting and gunfire, and our crew witnesses yet another jungle showdown. Before Saywer can get his Captain Rescue on, Juliet channels Annie Oakley and proves, once again, that she is the island's resident female badass. Juliet shoots first and accurately, while Sawyer follows suit. And then I started singing "All the women who are independent, throw your hands up at me..." Rock on, Destiny's Child. Amy is the damsel in distress, of course. After a brief burial, Jin's gracious offer to haul Paul, and Sawyer's "we shipwrecked here on route to Tahiti" lie, we learn Amy is not quite the damsel she appears.
Girlfriend needs a new 'do and some hot oil treatments. They had VO5 back in the day, or at least the Dharma equivalent.

We learn next that Amy is in labor and her child is in the breech position. Sawyer makes haste in requesting the services of the one auto mechanic on the island who is also capable of performing surgery. Have I mentioned how much I love Juliet? "Girl, I didn't know you could get down like that..." Y'all know you're still singing "Independent Women." Admit it.While in the waiting room (or the infirmary's back porch, if we're being specific), Jin reports to Sawyer/LaFleur that Grids 1-3 have been searched, with no sign of "our people." Saywer instructs that the search will continue, "as long as it takes." Oh, and Amy's' baby is fine, thanks to Juliet's mad skills. It's a boy! Let the cigar-passing commence!

Once again we find ourselves three years earlier, where Sawyer is spinning the Tahiti yarn for Horace. Do we love Sawyer's Black Rock reference? Of course we do. Horace tells Sawyer, "You may be looking for the rest of your crew, but your boo-tays are on the next sub out, my friend." Uh-oh.

Interrupting not a moment too early is our guy, Richard "He's Always Been Here" Alpert. Firmly planting his torch in the ground and purposely striding into Dharma Village like he owns the joint, Richard tells Horace, "You've got some 'splainin' to do!" Before offering to conduct a peace summit with him, Sawyer refers to Richard as "Eyeliner," thereby causing me to leap from my bed while clapping with glee. "Eyeliner." That. Is. Spot-On Perfection.

Meanwhile our island peeps are having a summit of their own, hanging out on Dharma patio furniture, as was often enjoyed in the days of yore. You know, in 1974, also known as the year in which I (Lula!) was born. Daniel waxes poetic, telling the gang, "The record is spinning again--we're just not on the song we wanna be on." If that is not one of the most profound statements I have ever heard, I don't know what else qualifies. Oh, and let's not forget adorable little redheaded Charlotte, running around outside in the dark of night. Why isn't she in bed? And does this mean our Charlotte was approximately 36 or 37 at her time of death, given her age in this scene and the "1974" reference? Um, no. Sorry. That timeline is not matching up, I tell you.

We now come to my favorite scene of the entire episode. "Sawyer and Juliet sittin' by the sub, in less than three years they'll be in luv!" Like my little jingle? (Melissa says: "Oh you know I love me some jingles)

Juliet longs for home, however Sawyer convinces her to stay for two weeks. He needs her to "have his back" (and front...cough-cough...), as Mad Scientist and I Speak To Dead People are not Sawyer's idea of island badasses. This serves as the setup for our final "three years later" timeline. And let me tell you, it made me happy. (Even though my brother-in-law declared this scene as the beginning of the show turning into "Days of Our Frickin' Lives." OK, Robbie...I hear you.)

Fast forward a few years, cue the mellow gold music (I hope there was an 8-track of Bread playing...or Roberta Flack, maybe?), dim the lights, and prepare yourselves for love, Dharma-style. Let's enjoy some Initiative Merlot, shall we?
Two weeks has turned into thirty-six months, give or take, and what I predicted after Season 4's finale has happened. Sawyer+Juliet=The Most Well-Adjusted Couple On The Island. She has his back...he believes in her...she prepares his pasta...he gifts her with a freshly picked blossom. This is love, folks...true love! I enjoy kitchen make-out sessions!
We later find our man reading. Of course. He may be a badass, but he's an educated badass, and I love him for this. Horace is feeling the need for a little heart-to-heart, whereby Sawyer assures him: yes, three years is absolutely long enough to get over someone. Oh gee, the foreshadowing.
During this conversation with Horace, I found Sawyer to be the most sincere he has ever been since landing on the island. I truly believe that, at this very moment, he is long over any feelings once held for Kate and is completely devoted to Juliet. I mean, come on...they're SPOONING, for goodness sake!
Y'all know you loved the spooning. I did. For real.

While asleep in the afterglow, Jin rings the happy couple to inform Sawyer of Some Very Big News. Yes, the Oceanic Six (sans Aaron, but with many others) are back on the island. Which means Kate is on the island. Which means I want to puke at how fast Sawyer darted out of his Juliet-shared bed. Which caused me to lament the day of my birth. Sigh...

I. Hate. Kate. I'm sorry, y'all, but I do. She is has such a talent for bringing ruin and devastation to those who cross her path. I'm hoping she will redeem herself (in my eyes, at least) in the future, but for now I will continue to hate on her. 'Cause I can. If Sawyer dumps Juliet for Kate, I will first claw his eyes out, followed by the removal of my own.

Oh, the melodrama!

We have a two week wait until the next episode of our show. Two weeks? Painful! Until then, let me mention further tidbits about "LaFleur."

*Josh Holloway and Elizabeth Mitchell are brilliant actors. Heck, the entire cast of Lost is so unbelievably talented. Their commitment to excellence is what allows Lost to be, in my opinion, the finest hour of television currently on the air. Let's not forget to give the creators/producers/directors/and writers a shoutout! They rock, too.

*Why has Sawyer not been Big Man On Campus all along? Dude has a better head on his shoulders than Jack or Locke ever thought of having. OK, so he's committed murder and stuff...but that's in the past. Current-day Sawyer/James/LaFleur is quite the leader. I'd even go as far to say that he is the leader the island has long needed. 'Cause it's certainly not Horace!

*So Horace and Amy had a baby boy. Significance? Will this child grow to be someone we know and love? Shannon is guessing Ethan, which I think is a brilliant deduction. Hopefully time will tell.

*Why does Richard want Paul's body? It didn't take much convincing for Amy to hand her deceased husband over to an Other. Oh, and the Ankh she took from his neck? Wikipedia tells me it's the symbol for the "key of life." Mull that one over for a while.

*Is Charles Widmore still on the island? Last week he told Locke that his people were on the island for three decades, before being "exiled" by Ben. We don't know how long they had been there when we saw him as a young gun-toter (along with Ellie) in the 50's, but if that was near the beginning of their time on the island, 1974 would not be too far into the future to suggest that Widmore and crew had departed the joint. So...is Widmore currently on the island? With Richard? And Ellie?

As usual, my head hurts. But I love it. I do...'cause I love this show. Or hadn't you heard?