Typically my "adult word" moments occur in the last few minutes of the show. But this is Lost of which we're speaking, so "typical" doesn't apply. Moments after Locke descends the well to turn the Frozen Donkey Wheel, time flashes (ok, so up to this point the time flashes are pretty typical...I'll give you that!) and our gang is once again spinning through time. Their stopping point? Oh, just yards from the statue. THE STATUE! Yep, I said a typical adult word, folks. Less than five minutes into the hour. I love this show.
Another flash and one ginormous, fall-on-the-ground, "earthquakeish" moment later, and the gang realizes it's the final flash, as evidenced by their lack of headaches and nosebleeds. Yay, John turned the wheel! Flash-forward three years later (thanks, writers of Lost, for keeping our frame of time in check throughout the episode), and there's a "hootenanny" going down with some Dharma peeps. Those of you who know me are aware that I have a deep love of music. I cannot express to y'all the utter joy that swelled from the depths of my soul when I heard the jaunty strains of Tony Orlando and Dawn's "Candida." I mean, seriously...nothing shouts "BIG 70's!" quite like the wholesome goodness that is Tony Orlando. No wonder Mr. Security and Miss Geronimo Jackson (did you catch her shirt?!?) had to get their groove on. It was warranted.
I love white people dancing...these two are not ready for Don Cornelius and Soul Train.
Mr. Party Pooper interrupts their moment and the trio discovers drunk Horace on one of the security camera screens. (Anyone catch Mr. Security's mention of "polar bears in cages?") The two men--Jerry and Phil--race to find LaFleur, also known as Sawyer, James Ford, and now James "Jim" LaFleur. Yes, our Sawyer is head of security for the Dharma Initiative, and it only took three years for him to reach that status!
Please pause for a moment while I enjoy Saywer's latest and greatest nickname pronouncement for Miles: Enos! Oh, how I love me some Dukes of Hazzard references. Oh, how I love me some southern men who casually and correctly use Dukes of Hazzard references. This was my favorite comedic moment of the night, no question.
Roscoe P. Coltrane and Enos fulfill their duties as Horace's designated driver (friends don't let friends drive drunk, of course!) and return to Dharma Village only to find an exasperated, very pregnant Amy. Oh, she's not pregnant for long. But before we get into that drama let's back up a bit, shall we?
Three years earlier our Daniel is loopy, grieving the loss of recently-passed Charlotte. Dan tells Sawyer, Juliet, Jin, and Enos (OK, it's Miles--but I like Enos better!), "Wherever, whenever we are now, we're here for good." Sawyer and Miles banter a while about their plan, or lack thereof, and Juliet steps up to Team James. She "has his back." I do not blame her one bit, 'cause with that back comes his front. Yep.
*Crickets chirping. Elevator musak. Dew on the grass.*
I got sidetracked. Forgive me.
We then hear shouting and gunfire, and our crew witnesses yet another jungle showdown. Before Saywer can get his Captain Rescue on, Juliet channels Annie Oakley and proves, once again, that she is the island's resident female badass. Juliet shoots first and accurately, while Sawyer follows suit. And then I started singing "All the women who are independent, throw your hands up at me..." Rock on, Destiny's Child.
Amy is the damsel in distress, of course. After a brief burial, Jin's gracious offer to haul Paul, and Sawyer's "we shipwrecked here on route to Tahiti" lie, we learn Amy is not quite the damsel she appears.
Girlfriend needs a new 'do and some hot oil treatments. They had VO5 back in the day, or at least the Dharma equivalent.
We learn next that Amy is in labor and her child is in the breech position. Sawyer makes haste in requesting the services of the one auto mechanic on the island who is also capable of performing surgery. Have I mentioned how much I love Juliet? "Girl, I didn't know you could get down like that..." Y'all know you're still singing "Independent Women." Admit it.
While in the waiting room (or the infirmary's back porch, if we're being specific), Jin reports to Sawyer/LaFleur that Grids 1-3 have been searched, with no sign of "our people." Saywer instructs that the search will continue, "as long as it takes." Oh, and Amy's' baby is fine, thanks to Juliet's mad skills. It's a boy! Let the cigar-passing commence!
Once again we find ourselves three years earlier, where Sawyer is spinning the Tahiti yarn for Horace. Do we love Sawyer's Black Rock reference? Of course we do. Horace tells Sawyer, "You may be looking for the rest of your crew, but your boo-tays are on the next sub out, my friend." Uh-oh.
Interrupting not a moment too early is our guy, Richard "He's Always Been Here" Alpert. Firmly planting his torch in the ground and purposely striding into Dharma Village like he owns the joint, Richard tells Horace, "You've got some 'splainin' to do!" Before offering to conduct a peace summit with him, Sawyer refers to Richard as "Eyeliner," thereby causing me to leap from my bed while clapping with glee. "Eyeliner." That. Is. Spot-On Perfection.
Meanwhile our island peeps are having a summit of their own, hanging out on Dharma patio furniture, as was often enjoyed in the days of yore. You know, in 1974, also known as the year in which I (Lula!) was born. Daniel waxes poetic, telling the gang, "The record is spinning again--we're just not on the song we wanna be on." If that is not one of the most profound statements I have ever heard, I don't know what else qualifies. Oh, and let's not forget adorable little redheaded Charlotte, running around outside in the dark of night. Why isn't she in bed? And does this mean our Charlotte was approximately 36 or 37 at her time of death, given her age in this scene and the "1974" reference? Um, no. Sorry. That timeline is not matching up, I tell you.
We now come to my favorite scene of the entire episode. "Sawyer and Juliet sittin' by the sub, in less than three years they'll be in luv!" Like my little jingle? (Melissa says: "Oh you know I love me some jingles)
Juliet longs for home, however Sawyer convinces her to stay for two weeks. He needs her to "have his back" (and front...cough-cough...), as Mad Scientist and I Speak To Dead People are not Sawyer's idea of island badasses. This serves as the setup for our final "three years later" timeline. And let me tell you, it made me happy. (Even though my brother-in-law declared this scene as the beginning of the show turning into "Days of Our Frickin' Lives." OK, Robbie...I hear you.)
Fast forward a few years, cue the mellow gold music (I hope there was an 8-track of Bread playing...or Roberta Flack, maybe?), dim the lights, and prepare yourselves for love, Dharma-style. Let's enjoy some Initiative Merlot, shall we?
Two weeks has turned into thirty-six months, give or take, and what I predicted after Season 4's finale has happened. Sawyer+Juliet=The Most Well-Adjusted Couple On The Island. She has his back...he believes in her...she prepares his pasta...he gifts her with a freshly picked blossom. This is love, folks...true love! I enjoy kitchen make-out sessions!
We later find our man reading. Of course. He may be a badass, but he's an educated badass, and I love him for this. Horace is feeling the need for a little heart-to-heart, whereby Sawyer assures him: yes, three years is absolutely long enough to get over someone. Oh gee, the foreshadowing.
During this conversation with Horace, I found Sawyer to be the most sincere he has ever been since landing on the island. I truly believe that, at this very moment, he is long over any feelings once held for Kate and is completely devoted to Juliet. I mean, come on...they're SPOONING, for goodness sake!
Y'all know you loved the spooning. I did. For real.
While asleep in the afterglow, Jin rings the happy couple to inform Sawyer of Some Very Big News. Yes, the Oceanic Six (sans Aaron, but with many others) are back on the island. Which means Kate is on the island. Which means I want to puke at how fast Sawyer darted out of his Juliet-shared bed. Which caused me to lament the day of my birth. Sigh...
I. Hate. Kate. I'm sorry, y'all, but I do. She is has such a talent for bringing ruin and devastation to those who cross her path. I'm hoping she will redeem herself (in my eyes, at least) in the future, but for now I will continue to hate on her. 'Cause I can. If Sawyer dumps Juliet for Kate, I will first claw his eyes out, followed by the removal of my own.
Oh, the melodrama!
We have a two week wait until the next episode of our show. Two weeks? Painful! Until then, let me mention further tidbits about "LaFleur."
*Josh Holloway and Elizabeth Mitchell are brilliant actors. Heck, the entire cast of Lost is so unbelievably talented. Their commitment to excellence is what allows Lost to be, in my opinion, the finest hour of television currently on the air. Let's not forget to give the creators/producers/directors/and writers a shoutout! They rock, too.
*Why has Sawyer not been Big Man On Campus all along? Dude has a better head on his shoulders than Jack or Locke ever thought of having. OK, so he's committed murder and stuff...but that's in the past. Current-day Sawyer/James/LaFleur is quite the leader. I'd even go as far to say that he is the leader the island has long needed. 'Cause it's certainly not Horace!
*So Horace and Amy had a baby boy. Significance? Will this child grow to be someone we know and love? Shannon is guessing Ethan, which I think is a brilliant deduction. Hopefully time will tell.
*Why does Richard want Paul's body? It didn't take much convincing for Amy to hand her deceased husband over to an Other. Oh, and the Ankh she took from his neck? Wikipedia tells me it's the symbol for the "key of life." Mull that one over for a while.
*Is Charles Widmore still on the island? Last week he told Locke that his people were on the island for three decades, before being "exiled" by Ben. We don't know how long they had been there when we saw him as a young gun-toter (along with Ellie) in the 50's, but if that was near the beginning of their time on the island, 1974 would not be too far into the future to suggest that Widmore and crew had departed the joint. So...is Widmore currently on the island? With Richard? And Ellie?
As usual, my head hurts. But I love it. I do...'cause I love this show. Or hadn't you heard?
